PC Gamer Meets IWNet Creator

Bobby Kotick: Hello, PC Gamer.

PC Gamer: Who are you?

Bobby Kotick: I am Bobby Kotick. I created IWNet. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably a hardcore PC gamer. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant.

PC Gamer: Why am I here?

Bobby Kotick: Modding is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of IWNet. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of console gaming precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.

PC Gamer: You haven't answered my question about lag.

Bobby Kotick: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.

*The responses of other PC gamers appear on the monitors: "Lag? What lag? How much? Answer me!"*

Bobby Kotick: IWNet is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one PC version anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth version.

*Again, the responses of the other PC gamers appear on the monitors: "Five versions? What about CoD3? I've been lied too. This is bullshit."*

PC Gamer: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.

Bobby Kotick: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic casual gamer.

*Once again, the responses of other PC gamers appear on the monitors: "You can't control me! F*ck you! I'm going to boycott you! You can't make me play anything!*

PC Gamer: Choice. The problem is choice.

Bobby Kotick: The first IWNet I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every hardcore gamer, thus I redesigned it based on your insular communities to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser gamer, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of server lists. We thought maybe it would be cool if the fans could play the game. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive studio head, initially hired to investigate certain aspects of the PC Gamer. If I am the father of IWNet, he would undoubtedly be its parent guardian.

PC Gamer: Vince Zampella.

Bobby Kotick: Please. As I was saying, he stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the console features, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. He didn't want to bifurcate the community. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the gaming community itself. Ergo, those that refused to buy the PC game and sign the petition, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.

PC Gamer: This is about dedicated servers.

Bobby Kotick: You are here because dedicated servers are about to be destroyed. Its every gamer terminated, its entire existence eradicated.

PC Gamer: Bullshit.

*The responses of other server admins appear on the monitors: "Bullshit!"*

Bobby Kotick: Bitching is the most predictable of all PC Gamer responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have created it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.

Bobby Kotick: The function of the Mod Maker is now to return to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the console program. After which you will be required to select from a dedicated server list 23 hardcore gamers, 16 cheaters, 7 server admins, to rebuild PC gaming. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic P2P system crash banning everyone connected to IWNet, which coupled with the extermination of dedicated servers will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire PC gaming community.

PC Gamer: You won't let it happen, you can't. You need PC sales to survive.

Bobby Kotick: There are levels of sales we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the banning of every hardcore gamer in this world.

*Bobby Kotick presses a button on a XBOX controller that he is holding, and images of gamers from all over IWNet appear on the monitors*

Bobby Kotick: It is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your gaming friends, facilitating the function of the Mod Maker. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Total conversion modding.

*Images of clan members installing MW2 appear on the monitors*

PC Gamer: Guys!

Bobby Kotick : Apropos, they entered IWNet to save you from spending $60.

PC Gamer: No!

Bobby Kotick: Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two platforms. The platform to your right leads to P2P hosted servers, and the salvation of online gaming for the PC. The door to the left leads back to previous Call of Duty's, to dedicated servers, and to the end of PC gaming. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you're going to do, don't we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: dedicated servers are going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.

*Mod Maker walks to the door on his left*

Bobby Kotick: Woot. Freedom, it is the quintessential PC gamer's delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

PC Gamer: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.

Bobby Kotick: We won't, there will be no MW3 for PC.

picture is retarded and i think 3ppl on here including me will read the wall of text. still fucking funny

how many of you actually sat and listened to this shit in the movie?

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (FUZiON @ Oct 23 2009, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>

i did the first time then i fast forwarded the 2nd time i saw the movie.

I jot halfway through. Will finish later...